So i'm at work right now and am despreately trying to stay awake... it normally isnt hard until about 5ish... but apparently tonight is going to be a long one, so i figured i'd update y'all and hope it makes sense.
The semester ended (officially) a couple days ago and i am sooo happy its over. Anatomy and i just never were able to get over our hatred for each other. We fought it out right to the last moment of my 107 question final. and i walked away and never looked back. I dont even care how i did in that class. cuz guess what? IT OVER!!! anywho... i'm glad the semester is over. the end.
so i've become an official member of the staff at my work (aka i'm done training) and i'm loving every minute of it. there are some hard times, for sure, but believe me watching the hurdles that these girls clear... it makes up for any complaint anyone could possibly have. it was amazing to me the overwhelming feeling of the love the the Lord has for these girls, there are times when i look at them and there is no doubt in my mind that God is with them through every step of their treatment and it has been amazing to me how strongly you can feel the spirt here at the center... which honestly is the last place that i would have imagined that to be possible. but you do. it seeps into everything that the center is. and even though there are some rough patches throughout each day, and some serious tension, and swearing and anger and other such things that normally drive away the spirit... its here. and you cant come to the center and not know that each one of these girls has their guardian angel with them all the time, just waiting for them to let them in.
As the year comes to a close i have been able to look back and really feel good about how things have gone. not everything went the way that i wanted it to. actually most things didnt. but things have ultimately turned out better. and there are of course things that are still pending. but this is what i decided the other night. there have been somethings that i have been wanting to happen. but they are also things that i am ridiculously afraid of. and i think that fear has been holding things back. and honestly, i could be wrong. these are just my feelings. but i had this realization hit me the other night and kind of knock me flat. but this is what i've decided, yeah i'm afraid. there are going to be somethings in my life (hopefully soon) that i wont know how to handle. but guess what? i'm a fast learner and i think i'm finally ready to accept my fear and do things in spite of it. actually i want to have things happen that are going to throw me for a loop, things that i'm terrified of. because i want to be able to conquer them. so i'm ready. for what? i'm not entirely sure yet. whatever the Lord decides to through at me i guess. and believe i know that i'm setting myself for all kinds of crazy things by saying this. but... cool. i'll take whatever comes.
