New Car

Yesterday was my dear friend, Nick's, farewell. He's going to Baton Rouge Louisiana on his mission. It was a sad but happy event. I got to see him before he goes, and I know he's doing the right thing. And a lot my friends from SUU came so I got to see them. It made me miss everyone a lot more though. Nick gave an awesome talk, and an awesome party afterwards.
It weird, he's my first close friends thats leaving. I've watched family member leave, but, its just not the same. I feel old. I know, I know, I'm only 19, but still. All the sudden I'm old enough to get a car loan, send friends off on missions, watch my best friend get married... Things that I always knew would happen, but now that they're happening, I don't really know how I feel about it. Growing up isn't the walk in the park that you think its going to be when you're 15. I remember saying, "I can't wait till I'm 18 so I can do whatever I want." Well, now I'm 19 and I still can't do whatever I want. I still have to do things that I don't want to do so I can live. I mean, who wants to work, and make car payments and go grocery shopping, and all that stuff. I would much rather be hanging out with friends, or traveling, not worrying about money, car payments, cell phone bills, insurance, gas prices, food, clothes, rent, blah blah blah... You actually have to work to get what you want. Imagine that.
Anyway, enough of that tangent. The last little bit has been pretty good. I got my new car. It’s a white 2005 Nissan Sentra SE. I love it. It just needs a little more power and it would be perfect. (Like maybe a V8 engine kind of more power… Yeah, I wish.) Its got all the extras: a spoiler, subwoofer, 7 disc changer, iPod hook-up, all that nifty stuff. And, its 10 years newer than my last car; which, you know, always makes a difference.

This is my new car. Or at least one like it. I'm too lazy to take a really picture of my car and get it on here. So this is as good as it gets.

The Craziness Continues...

Goodness. It seems like nothing can go right lately. Though, if I really look at it, lots of things are going right. Yesterday, my car, that I’ve had for a year, that has been in the shop for the week, was declared a total loss by the insurance company. So, I have to get a new car. Like yesterday. I work in Orem, everyday, at 8am and I live in Saratoga Springs. That’s a 30 minute drive. Every single day, but Saturday and Sunday. And now, I don’t have a car. Because I have to take my rental car (that I love and want) back, today. So, today, I have to get the check from the insurance company, take a loan application in to the bank, take my car back to enterprise, do the deal with the guy who’s buying the Camry back from the insurance, work till 4, look for a car, and eat some where in there.
But, on the brightside: the insurance guy who is dealing with my claim, is bringing me the check on his way home from work, my mom is taking care of getting the deal done with the guy who’s buying the Camry, I work right next to the credit union that I will be, hopefully, getting the loan from, and the kids are going up stay in Midway with our grandparents for the weekend, so Mom and I can go looking for a car after they’re gone. Oh, and, I can qualify for a loan, by myself, and still get a car that only 3 years old, and afford it. And dear, kind, Jaci is working by herself tomorrow morning for 4 hours so i can go look for a car in the morning and come work in the afternoon. See, things are working out. I just have to focus on that. I was a freaking stress case yesterday. But, luckily, I work for family and Jill was very understanding and let me leave two hours early so I could go take care of things with the car. And then, after that, I got to go to Lagoon with my family. Wore me out. But it was fun.

On a lighter note…

There was a mouse in my car last night! A real live moving mouse! IN MY CAR! Ok, well, not inside. But it was like, under the hood. I picked up my car after Lagoon and drove home. Well, when I turned off the car at the house, this mouse came out of no where, and crawled across my windshield! Then went back under the hood, like by where the windshield wipers are. I screamed. Yes, screamed. Then I called my mom. This is about how the conversation went: (Miles answered her phone) “Mom! You’re not mom! I want to talk to mom! Mom! There’s a mouse in my car! (she’s laughing at me) I’m serious! There is a mouse my car! Like under the hood! It crawled across my windshield! (she’s driving up) I’m on the porch, I got away from that car as fast as freaking possible! (more lauging at me)”
Yeah, it was pretty comical. Now. It wasn’t then. I made mom go out and look for the mouse. I went out with her. I just didn’t want to. I was so afraid that it was going to crawl across my feet as I was walking through the grass. Uck. I do not like mice. I text a few of my friends and told them. Jordan laughed, Shaye freaked out with me, and Abby never text me back.
My friend Ryan got his mission call yesterday. He’s going to Mozambique, Africa. Scary. He’s going to be speaking Portuguese and he leaves September 3^rd. Everyone is leaving me. I hate it. Jordan is supposed to be getting his call here soon. And Nick, who’s like my brother, is leaving for Baton Rouge (mission also) on July 2^nd.
My cousin’s wife (Annie) is pregnant. We found out yesterday. They got married in April. Crazy fast. She’s due Feburary 21^st, I think.
I get my stitches out on Monday. Yess! Then I can stop wearing this stupid ace bandage all the time. I hate it with a fiery, burning, eternal passion.
Yeah, so that’s what’s been going on lately. Freaking crazy. I’m ready for school to start going, so things slow down. Ha! I can’t believe I just said that. Oh boy.

Another Doctor Visit

Yesterday morning I went to have a mole removed from my stomach. I'm a total wimp when it comes to that sort of stuff. Uck. But I went and toughed it out. It was probably the weirdest feeling in the entire world. Not really being able to feel what they're doing to you but knowing that they're doing it. Not pleasant. But things seemed to go fine. I left the doctor's office all stitched up and went to work. Well, at about 12:30 it really started hurting, and so, I decided to peek at it, just to see how it was doing. Well, it wasn't doing so well. Actually, it was bleeding like crazy. They put this plastic shield thing over to keep it from getting wet, so the blood wasn't really going anywhere, but it was sure trying to. Now, my family has had plenty of experience with having moles removed. Who hasn't? So I knew that that much blood, was not normal. I called mom and then the doctor's office. And by this time I was in so much pain that it was hurting to move at all. So, I finally got through to the doctor and he wanted me to come in again so they could check it out. So off to the doctor I went. When I got there he took all the dressings off and looked at it and said that he didn't know why it was bleeding. That it shouldn't be because the incision was completely closed. But even as he was looking at it, there was still blood seeping through the incision. And it hurt. Burned actually. So he numbed it again, which hurt like hell, stick a needle into a place that is already on fire and it doesn't feel too great. But he numbed it again, added some more stitched to hold it together better and taped it up, put the plastic shield over it again and then decided that wasn't enough. So he put gauze over the plastic and wrapped me up with an ace bandage, to "hold me together".
So now, I'm still all wrapped up, and dying because it hurts so bad. Having anything done to your stomach isn't fun. You use your stomach for EVERYTHING!!! I can't laugh, cough, slouch, breathe, lift anything... And I'm running on about two hours of sleep. But, I'm up and at work. Aren't you proud of me?

Adjusting

I've been missing my friends from school a lot the last few days. It seems like the longer I'm away from them the harder it gets. After being on my own for 9 months, coming home has been—an adjustment. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being home! I love being able to see my mom and my sister everyday, and being able to stay up till all hours talking to them. And as much as my brothers drive me crazy, I love be able to give them a hug before they go to bed, and before I leave in the mornings. But sometimes, I feel like more of a hindrance then anything else.
I miss my friends a lot. Mostly the girls. Every once in awhile, every once in a great while, I miss the boys. Being home, I’m so far away from everyone. I don’t have friends up north anymore. I mean not really. I have people from high school. But, they either: just graduated, are my age but stuck in the high school mode still, or I just don’t want anything to do with them. Or a combination of all three. Its hard not having ANY friends near by. I love hanging out with my mom and my sister, but right now, I really just need my friends. I need to go do something other than work. My one friend that I have here is getting married in a month and a half so, she’s a little busy. I’m going nuts. All my outside-of-family social interaction consists of: texting, email, and a letter I get once a week.
It’s amazing being home, but it’s hard too. I’m used to doing things my way, I cant do that anymore. I know, I shouldn’t complain, I’m living off my mom. I’m working and saving money for next year. I wouldn’t be able to do that unless I was living at home. And like I said, I love being home. It’s just different.

Anyway, I figured I’d put some pictures of me and my friends. It’s me remincising. Just play along.

This is me and Shupe burning our University 1000 books in Castledale, Ut.

















This is all of us at the Buckhorn Wash in Emery County.
Jordan
Kacie
Brandon
Me
Shupe
Shaye
Alex










Kacie, Shaye, me and Shupe in the back of Brandon's dad's truck.

















All of us, but Shupe cuz she's taking the picture, at our bonfire in Castledale.

















Me and Kacie at the bowling alley in Cedar City.

Dealing With Life

Yesterday in church we were singing the sacrament song, Behold The Great Redeemer Die, and you know, there are the normal hymns that make me cry almost every time I sing them, but this one has never been one of them. We started singing the 4^th verse which goes, “Father, from me remove this cup. Yet, if thou wilt, I’ll drink it up. I’ve done the work thou gavest me, I’ve done the work thou gavest me; Receive my spirit unto thee.” Suddenly, I was crying. I know that I’ve been given the life and trials that I’ve have been for a reason, but that doesn’t make it any easier. There are just so many time that I wonder, “Why me? What purpose does God have to send me through Hell and back?” I’m only human and constantly wish that He would take my trials away. To “Remove this cup from me.” The hardest thing to do is to hand your life over to God. To say, “Ok, Lord, I have no clue what I’m doing, but apparently you do, so here. Here’s absolute control of my life. Do with it as you may. I wont fight it anymore.” We’re all human. We don’t like the thought of not being in control of our lives.

Singing those words yesterday… I cant really explain now what I was feeling, but it was a cross between, helplessness and relief. Then an overwhelming feeling of comfort. I know that no matter what my Heavenly Father will take care of me. And my family. He’s not going to give us a trial that we can’t handle. We may not be able to handle it on our own, but that’s why we have family, and the ability to pray. I, and my family, have been and are still going though a lot. And I bet there’s still more, harder things to come. But God is there with us, just waiting for us to ask Him for the help that he so desperately wants to give us.

I use music a lot to help me get through whatever I’m going through, so I thought I’d make a list of some of the songs that mean a lot to me. Along with an excerpt from each one.

Stand

Rascal Flatts

“When push comes to shove
You tast what you’re made of
You might bend till you break
Cuz its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand.”

Jesus, Take the Wheel
Carrie Underwood
“Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cuz I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
Give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus, take the wheel”

So Small
Carrie Underwood
“Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you’ve been out there
Searching for forever
Is in your hands
When you figure out that love is all that matters
After all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small
Its so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
Its like a river that’s so wide
It swallows you whole
While you’re sitting ‘round thinkin ‘bout
What you can’t change
And worrin ‘bout all the wrong things
Times flying by, movin so fast
You better make it count
Cuz you can’t get it back”

Keep Holding On
Avril Lavigne
“You’re not alone
Together we stand
I’ll be by your side
You know I’ll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There’s no place to go
You know I won’t give in
No, I won’t give in
Keep holding on
Cuz you know we’ll make it through
Just stay strong
Cuz you know I’m here for you
There’s nothing you would say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way
When it comes to the truth
So keep holding on…
Whatever’s meant to be
Will work out perfectly”

And then of course my favorite:

If You’re Goin Through Hell
Rodney Atkins
“Well, you know those times
When you feel like there’s a sign there on your back
Says: I don’t mind if you kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think they can’t get anyworse than that
And then they do
You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Use the needle of your compass to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions of a genie in a bottle of Jim Bean
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth
If you’re going through hell
Keep on going
Don’t slow down
If you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out ‘fore the devil even knows you’re there
Well, I’ve been down in that darkness
I’ve been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I’d fall right into the traps that they were layin
But the good news is there’s angels
Everywhere out on the streets
Holdin out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The ones that you’ve been dragging for so long you’re on your knees
You might as well be prayin”

Family Matters

Life's moving on. The family is good. Miles spent the whole night last night searching for a paper that he threw somewhere that had a list of things he wanted to learn about. He employed the help of his younger brothers to help him find it. My room was searched three or four times and I was continuously be interrogated. They eventually found the paper, it was in the cupboard in the twins room. Then Miles proceeded to tell the boys all about the things he wanted to learn. From crop circles to the Winchester Mansion. Mom and I over heard him telling the twins about Titchwuba, or however you spell her name. I was never concerned with such things when I was 11. I was more concerned with 4 Square and the boys at school.
Mom and I sat and talked about books last night as usual. She's been trying to get me to read a book called Ventia by Georgette Heyer. And, I'm just not very interested in it. I've read one book by the same author, and it didn't really impress me. I really have started reading Ventia. But then I got The Host and got distracted. Now, I just haven't put it back in my bag yet.
Mom and I are alike in a lot of ways, but I'm starting to find that our taste in books, at least, can be completely opposite. I love reading crazy dramatic romances that I don't really have to think about, or science fiction novels, or fantasy and what not. I'm not really into novels that involve thinking. Ok, that sounds bad, but I read to escape the pressures of life. And I have a very short attention span when it comes to books. I find myself getting bored within less than a chapter. I've read very few book that didn't catch me within the first page. But, I have read a lot of books.