Finals Week

so today is study day. i promise i have been studying. i wrote out all the equations that i've used all year on one piece of notebook paper. granted thats all i've done and i have a paper due tomorrow by noon. but i'm gonna do that at home and then email it to my teacher tomorrow. i'm going nuts, so i needed a break.
you know that feeling of extreme nervousness? the butterflies in your stomach and jittery weirdness. you know? the first day of school feeling? thats how finals make me feel. at least this year. it wasn't so bad last year. i just want to get them done and go home. i have two days. thank goodness. which means i should probably finish packing. ugh.

One more week!! and a few days...

i have 5 days left of school and two days of finals. can i just tell you how excited i am? sooooo excited! i left yesterday to drive back to cedar and cried until i got on the freeway. this last week is so pointless. if i didn't work, i would prolly still be at home. and just come back for my finals. i'd prolly be more motivated to actually do my homework at home anyway. oh well. i'm going back in 9 days. counting today. i'm very happy! and i won't have to make the depressing drive back to cedar in january either! i know. its fabulous.
this last week or so is the most intensive because you realize you have all this stuff to do that you should have started ages ago... but you feel completely unmotivated to do anything but lay in bed and stared at the tv. its slightly ridiculous. i'm just trying to focus on the good stuff. like... going home in 9 days. thats about it. and all my papers being done(though i actually have to do them for them to get done) and a three week break from all school and homework. thats the best thing about college. christmas break is a real break. you don't have any homework, or stuff like that, because your classes are over for three weeks. its fabulous. but i have to find a job. so i may get a break from homework, but i get to go job hunting. which is so my favorite thing to do in the world. not. eh. c'est la vie. i get to be at home!!

Thanksgiving!!!

Is so close! I'm coming home in 5 days!! I get to see everyone and eat real food and sleep in a real bed and stay up late and talk to my mom and my sisters and want to hit my brothers and tell them to shut up and be 15 minutes away from three different malls... Oh the things you miss when you're away from home for a long time... The things you don't appreciate when you're home. I think this going to be a really special thanksgiving for me, because over the last four months i've had a lot of time to think about the things that i'm really thankful for and realize just how important family is and how much i love them. i've spent a lot of time thinking about what really matters in life and prioritizing my life. I can't wait to see everyone on Thursday! I love you all!

Fabulous Day

i don't know what it was about yesterday, but everything was just wonderful! in my psychology class we talked about stuff that totally blew my mind! i'd write about it but it would take too long. i'll do it some other time. then when i walked out of class, it was all creepy foggy and first of all, i love fog. i think its totally cool. but add it to SUU campus, the creepy part, which is where i was, it totally looks like something from a movie!
there's this part of campus that is just crowded with huge trees, its right by the Adams theatre and the 100 years old buildings that are haunted, so i walk out into the fog with this setting... i mean wow. the adams stage is covered in leaves and the fog is drifting across the stage and through the aisles... and i'm looking at old main totally expecting the ghost to appear at her window... it was way cool. then this crow appears out of no where and scares the crap out of me. i just walked to institute freezing to death, but practically skipping cuz i was in such a good mood.
then i went and took my math test, and left and wasn't stressed, i was totally happy, walked to my car humming to myself, drove home and my roommate, the crazy one who never does anything was CLEANING like she actually took the garbage all the way out to the dumpster rather than just putting outside by the door. and she was mopping the floor, she had done the dishes... and she was listening to good music rather than watching the disney channel (she's 24 and still watches disney channel) i about had a heart attack. then i went to work... then came home and ate 4 freaking pieces of pizza and went to sign language... it was a good day.
today, not so much, but its not bad. and yesterday totally filled my good day quota until thanksgiving. which in 2 weeks! i get to go home in 2 weeks! YESS!!!

And Obama Wins.

i think i cried. not even kidding. shaye and i definitely screamed, and she threw stuff at the tv. but elections are over, and from an "i'm trying very hard to be optimistic" stand point, who knows, maybe socialism isn't so bad... or maybe Obama himself doesn't know what socialism is and just thinks that he's come up with some new idea for "change". you never know. no one else in this country knows what socialism is, why should our future president? or maybe, he'll have mercy on all those serial killers and whatever on death row and let them all go, since he has no problem with slaughtering unborn children, whats the big deal about ones who have been born?
but hey, proposition 8 passed. so at least one good thing came out of this election. and i added one more historical event to the list of them that have happened in my life time. so thats cool i guess.
the elections are over. i can now watch tv again without having to skip every other channel because of election crap. we'll have to see what happens now.

Boy Problems

So, i have this ex boyfriend, who's leaving here soon. And for some reason, yesterday, he decided to... i don't know what he was trying to do actually. make amends? make me want to write him? i don't really know, but whatever it was, it didn't really work. it actually made me really mad. like break down crying kind of mad. but he's leaving. so it doesn't matter.
then, another one of my friends is getting on my nerves too. he just is being stupid. and i don't want to see him or spend time with him at all. ugh. oh well.
and to top it all off, the only guy that i actually want to talk to, or spend time with, is on a mission. for another 10 months. and to make that better, i've never met him.
anywho, i had to tell my boss yesterday that i'm quitting in december. she was not very happy. but, i didn't do anything wrong, so i shouldn't feel guilty. even though i do. i'm mostly just worried she's gonna cut my hours way back and its gonna make my life harder than it already is.
i don't really know what else to write. i mostly just want to go home. i'm very excited about it. i'm tired and sick and burned out on school. I register for classes at UVU tomorrow. so its super officially now. not that it wasn't before. only 6 more weeks.
But hey, Nov. 21 twilight comes out, and the next day is the BYU UTAH game. I'm quite excited about that!

Not Much

I feel the need to update even though my life is so uneventful... Nothing much exciting happening. I'm going to Mesquite today, yes, again. I go almost every weekend. I really love it there. Its the next best thing to home. Could never live there cuz its way to small and way to freaking hot... but i like visiting Shaye's family.
I've started having test anxiety for the first time in my testing career. Its awful. I hate it. And i don't know what to do about it. I've just started having to tell myself thats its ok to fail... since i do it every time. Math is kicking my butt. And you know, i could blame me... you know if i didn't spend 6 hours studying for tests, 3 hours on each assignment, hours on the phone getting help... if i didn't actually go to my teachers office to see if a one on one environment helps her teaching... but i do all that... so, i'm blaming my teacher. Do you know what she said to my class the other day? It made me so mad, ok so my WHOLE ENTIRE CLASS was BEGGING for another day on the section we were on because NO ONE got it. She said no, cuz we're behind. and some kid said well isn't more important to actually learn then be on schedule? and she said, and i quote, (drum roll please) yes it is so why aren't any of you learning anything? Yup, not even kidding thats what she said. I was so so SOOO pissed. So if i fail this class, its not my fault. I tried. i worked my tail off for this class, and i'm going to keep working at it, but i still might fail. but if i do, i'll just take it again, this time at UVU so I'll be home and mom can help me in person rather than over the phone.
Other than that... Not much. things have gone back to craziness in my apartment. our crazy roommate has become fake and annoying again. i really thought things were going to work out... guess not. My roommates from last year, who are now my next door neighbors, need to be slapped a couple times... and my one friend (other than Shaye) from last year, is acting weird too. Shaye and I think he's having girl issues... poor guy...
Anywho... I'm conquering my fear of the Virgin River Gorge today. I'm so freaking scared. I hate canyons... and disels... but combine the two and add people who drive 95 miles an hour through the thing and get pissed when people don't drive that way too, ( i know from first hand experience because one of those people would be Shaye)... I'm gonna die... or just drive really slow! oh well i guess.

Twilight the Movie and other news

AHHHHH! I'm dying! I just watched the third and final trailer for the movie and I can't wait!!! (its on youtube if anyone wants to watch it) I know i promised i wouldn't dedicated an entire entry to Twilight again, so i won't, but I'm so syked its insane! What is today, the 10th? so only like 41 days till it opens... I dont know exactly and it would take too long to actually figure out, so thats my unofficial count down! *deep breath* Alright now that i'm breathing properly again i will move on.
So i got my english essay back about 15 minutes ago, and i got an A! Yess! Its my first one. I should just always be sarcastic in my writing, its easier that way, but when you have to write about nature... sarcasm doesn't really work. This last essay had to be about my relationship with an animal. I know, weird. So i wrote about why i hate dogs. Cuz i do, i hate them. Actually, in all honesty, they scare me. Or make me nervous i guess whould be a better word for it. So yeah, i wrote about the stupid dog across the street when i was like four that nearly ripped my arm off. I slightly exaggerated the experience... But i was four when it happened so i don't really rememeber what i said, or much else other then the stuff they use to sew you up and the dog lashing out and clamping down on my arm. So i made some stuff up and embellished some other stuff... But i got an A! So thats all i care about!
This weekend is Shaye's birthday and she's going home and then going up to Salt Lake (i had to hold my breath every time she mentioned it or else i was worried i would invite myself along and beg to be dropped off in orem) So I'm going to be a hermit all weekend. AND its supposed to snow tomorrow. So i'm going to be spending my saturday in my room with a book or a movie and hot chocolate under my blankets cursing the weather. Yes, I am ridiculous. But hey, maybe i'll actually do some homework too. I doubt it, but i like to think i will cuz it makes me feel better. At least i don't have to go to stupid work tomorrow. Pretty sure that would make the weather seem even worse. Uck. I hate snow. Its not even Halloween yet for pete's sake! Its not supposed to snow yet! *bursts into tears* And i have to walk to school in this henious thing we so loveingly call snow! My friend Alyssa and i came up with this awesome reason why God should uninvent snow in high school. Because he wants people to live right? and snow causes car accidents, which in turn causes death so he should uninvent it. hahahahahahaha... I know, its horrible. But i was a sophomore in high school, cut me a little slack.
I have nearly almost completed all that i need to do in order to finish transfering to UVU. FINALLY! Remind me never to transfer again. Its too much of a pain.
But as i told Caleb last night on the phone as i was fighting back tears... I'm very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very VERY excited to move home!
You know, its funny how when you get homesick you all the sudden miss all the things that normally drive you crazy. Like last night Miles called me to ask me about a book and then he went off on one of his little Miles tangents that could have gone on for hours if mom hadn't have stopped him and i'm sitting there listening to him tell me about birdzilla and aliens and area 51 and what he would do if he found out there were aliens in the atmosphere (he would get binoculars and go look at them in case you were wondering) and i'm thinking, "I WANNA GO HOME!" I'm like fighting back tears as he's telling me all this crazy stuff because i actually miss it! (give me about 5 minutes of acutally being home and i'll tell him to shut up and leave me alone, but right now i could listen to it for hours.) And then he got off the phone and he wasn't doing his dishes and mom yelled at him and i STARTED CRYING! not kidding. and then caleb got on the phone and was yelling at joshua to do this and do that in Zelda and i just wanted to die. oh its awful. Thanksgiving isnt that far away right?
Lets see, what else is exciting... I wrote my first APA style paper yesterday. It sucked... but at least it got in on time. Thats all i actually care about. I got a letter from my dear friend Nick Snow yesterday... Which also made me cry. I really didnt think i would miss that kid. But when i get a letter from him and he makes me laugh and then tells me to stop laughing i can't help it! I miss being able to go over to his apartment and just whine "Nick i need a hug" and then everything is ok. Weird. This is nick we're talking about. The guy who made 9th grade biology more barable because he actually introduced himself to the shy girl sitting next to him and then spent the rest of the year drawing flowers on my notes and whispering answers across the hall on the tests that we were gone for... the answers were prolly wrong. we were so bad at that class. i spent the rest of 9th grade and high school defending him from the horrible mean people who made fun of him constantly... and now he's on a mission... and i actually miss him!!! i hate missing people... it sucks. and its so emotionally draining.

Dear Little Sister,

I promised i'd write a letter back to you. And since i suck at it, I'm doing this way.
So, I really don't know what to write. there is so much that i want to say, that i don't think could express in words. i miss you so much.
I miss staying up late at night laying bed, laughing at everything and saying good night a million times and then starting a new conversation after each one.
I miss laughing at you when you fall asleep in the first 5 minutes of a movie.
I miss asking you "what should i wear tomorrow?" or "does this look good?"
I miss laughing at your jokes that no one else finds funny. The not being able to breathe kind of laughing.
I miss telling you "he's an idiot, why do you care so much?"
But most of all, i miss being able to give you a hug whenever you need one and you giving me a hug when i need one.

You're an amazing, beautiful, talented, smart young woman who has the potential to do anything. I love you so so so so so much! I'm the luckiest big sister in the world!

Love you a million Swedish Fish!

Transfer Student... For Real This Time.

So guess what y'all? I'm comin home. For good. I've been stuggling more than expected this semester, and not just with financial things, but its been extra hard being away from home this year... So, I'm transfering to UVU. Yes, UVU. I know. Exciting. Not exactly my choice, but, i looked into the program at the U and well, I don't like the fauclty... so not going there! And, UVU is closer and thus cheaper. Anyway, I've decided to officially announce it now that I've completely come to terms with the decision and actually... I'm feeling excellent about it and actually am kind of looking forward to it. Which to some people that this decision has effected... is quite morbid... But, it makes it easier for me to sleep at night (not easier to get up in the morning, but hey, its a step in the right direction right?)
Anyway, so I will be starting at UVU in January 2009. I've heard that phrase so many times in the last few days it almost hurts to hear again... But yeah. Thats my update for now. I was going to vent about drama and psycho roommates... but i've found that i can focus better and get more done when i just ignore all the bad stuff and surround myself with so much positivity that it makes me almost ill. (You should here the music i listen to and the TV shows i've been watching... )
Well, love you all! See you at Thanksgiving! Man am i excited!

Wedding

This weekend I went to Mesquite with Shaye for her sister Addie's wedding. Wow, was this weekend crazy, and so much fun. I learned a lot. Addie Leavitt is now Addie Condie. Lol. They got married Saturday in the St. George temple. Shaye was up at 6:30making Addie's bouquet and all the boutenires (I have no idea how to spell that, the flower thingys). We finished them at 9:30 nevada time (we hadnt showered or anything yet) and were at the Temple at 11:30 Utah time. Meaning we got showered, dressed, hair done, make up done and to St. George from Mesquite in under an hour. (Mesquite to St. George is normally about a 45 minute drive.) Impressive, huh? So we got to the temple and Shaye, Sadie(shaye's little sister), and Ally (bride's maid) watched all the munchkins (there are a lot of them. And i'm starting to able to put names to all their faces.) And then Addie and Scott came out and they took pictures while I sat with Scott's friend and former roommate and talked... for at least 2 hours. I think. I don't know. But it was freaking hot and i needed a dr pepper really bad. When the picures were done, we headed back to Mesquite to set up for the Reception, we tied bows (I'm really good at it now, there are tricks, who'da thunk right?) cleaned, set up tables/chairs, put on table clothes etc... it was super super windy so nothing would stay in place. but once it all got going it ran smoothy, one of the many perks of having a huge, very close family. Then we decorated the car with Scott's brothers and cousins and the happy couple left. And drove around the block, parked out front and went in the house to open presents. Lol. Let me tell you, when you're either related to the entire town, have a huge family, or know everyone in town, you score big time!
Anyway, so after the presents, Addie and Scott really left and headed to Brianhead. We all staggered into the living room read scriptures and went to bed.
Now I'm back and this is what i learned:
1. Pictures take forever. DO NOT plan anything less than three hours after the ceremony is finished because if you do, you will not be attending.
2. Doing pictures with a good 400 people is crazy. I plan on having pictures with immediately family only. And bridesmaids. If anyone else wants a picture with me they can wait till the reception and do it them selves.
3. I want fake flowers. Unless its I get married in the winter so the flowers won't die in 5 minutes. But even then, i want fake ones so i get the flowers i want.
4. Late receptions are better when you have an afternood wedding. If you're getting married early, and earlier recpetion is fine.
5. I am not wearing heals to my wedding. Nope. I'll prolly wear flip flops. They'll be under my dress, no one will see them. And if you want to push the heels you're going to have a very cranky bride.
6. I want my bridals done either in cali on the beach or near some spectacular body of water. Everyone does pictures in the mountians. i want something cool.
7. Invite lots of people, at least to the reception.
8. Shaye should be a wedding planner.


So that is what i learned from this experience. Wow, is all i have to say.

Stress and Pain

So, my cysts are back. Yea. Not. I'm not supposed to be getting them. That's what the freaking birth contol is for. So, here is my philosophy on health care at the moment for anyone who cares.
I have had these stupid cysts for 6 years now. And they are so bad that they literally take command of my life for as long as they last. I limp, can't sleep, can't sit or stand for long periods of time... etc. Not fun. When i first got them in 9th grade i thought my appendix had just burst. I went to the doctor. How do you explain pain that is everywhere and extreme. Well, i explain the pain it was causing in my hip. so my doctor took some x-rays found nothing, told me it was just and inflammation in my hip and sent me home with pain killers and antibiotics. Well, 4 years later, i ended up in the emergency on morphine (and lortab that i had taken at home) and they finally did an ultrasound. i had been to the orthepedic doctor prior to this and he had scheduled an MRI which i was supposed to have the next day. well they found a cyst in the ultra sound that she guessed was about 3 cm. the MRI the next day found it to me 5 cm (the size of baseball) and when i went to the OBGYN she said that there wasn't really anything they could do but give me something for the pain and birth control and hope it helped. I was a junior in high school. So now, after 6 years, i finally decided to try birth control which is obviously not helping, and i have built up a tolerance for many pain killers. I've been to just about every kind of doctor imaginable for this, had every kind of test done, taken two kinds of birth control and who knows how many kinds of pain killers, and all the doctors do, is say, its just stress, take your birth control and here's a perscribtion for the pain. I'm sick of it. I'm 19. I want something to be done about this. When i have to change my life around because of pain, there is something wrong with that. or when i go home and cry because i can't let my life change, and i just worked for 6 hours (no sitting) after 3 hours of school and i can't feel my legs and i can't bend my toes because of the pain and the swelling, there's something wrong. And i want answers. Now.

No Title

Ugh. Yes ugh. I'm so needing a break. I really am over working myself. Which is funny cuz I'm adding more stuff. I'm gonna die. I decided to volunteer for the "Big Brother/Big Sister" equivalent here in Cedar. One, I get school credit for it. Two, I really want to do SOMETHING meaningful. So I oppted for this. Its only one hour a week. I can handle that. I've got to get used to it. I want to actually graduate in the alloted 4 years, which means, I've got to start taking a lot of classes at a time. And working. Maybe I'll try working 2 jobs this summer. Get a job as a waiteress or something. I don't know.
I just really hate money. Its so stressful. And seeing as I don't have any, and I have massive bills (for a single student) it just becomes more stressful. Everything is getting on my nerves lately. A commercial made me cry yesterday. I absolutely sobbed while doing my math. I'm on complete overload. I really don't want to have to transfer schools at the end of the year, but I might have to if money doesn't get any easier. And I guess, I really shouldn't complain, because I haven't had to take any loans out to go to school yet. I am still going to school, I do have a job, and an apartment. I'm just stresed so everything is getting blown out proportion right now.
Sorry I'm so negative today. I just need an escape. I'm going to Mesquite next weekend. And I can pick up my new book. So I can read something I haven't read before. So that will help. Ugh.

WE WON!!!!!!

I'd like to let you all know that after a 20 game losing streak (Yes, 20) SUU beat Adam State 38 to 10 on Friday night! Woot! It was quite exciting!

Alright, so, I'm reading the first 12 chapters of Midnight Sun right now. Wanna know why? Or how I guess? because some IDIOT posted the copy that Stephenie Meyer gave them online and pissed her off so she decided to make it public and put it on her website, so people like me wouldn't feel completely guilty for reading it. And can i just say, I have 40 pages left of the 264 page draft, and i DON'T WANT IT TO END!!!! But she's put writing it on hold indefinetly because she was so upset about it getting out. I would be too, so i really don't blame her in the slightest. But that doesn't mean i don't want more of it. Ugh. I should never have started it.

So, can i just tell you how much of a pain roommates are. I have one roommate that i'm pretty sure hates Shaye and I. We try to really nice to her because she does have a lot of problems... But unforunately for me, the more i study psychology the less i'm able to be sympathatic to people who are knowingly making things worse... Ugh.

On a happy note. I wrote my paper over the weekend. I wish i could say it was amazing, but its really mediocre actually. But, for what it is, its pretty good.
Well, I'm going to read some more of the torturous Midnight Sun.

Putting Off Homework

My whole plan for this hour break, three days a week, was to come to the library and actually, you know, study, but since I don't have the ability (aka money) to connect my computer to the internet at my apartment, I end up messing around the whole time. So this is me messing around. And putting off writing an essay. Its due Monday. I still have three days, give me a break. And besides, I write so much better under pressure! Procrastination is the world's best Muse. Just in case you're looking for one.
So lets see. Nothing much has happened. School, work, redecorating my apartment... thats about it. I know, I lead a boring life.
My Aunt Jamie and Uncle Brett had their baby on Tuesday. Cute little baby boy. Blake Jett Hubbard. He looks like his dad. At least I think so, I haven't seen Brett in like 3 years. And I've only met Jamie like twice. So who knows.
So lets see... Um, my Psych class is going well. I had a funny experience the other day. Yesterday. We have to fill out these quizzes everyday at the end of class. And the last question always asked you something about you that has to do with what we talked about in class. Well, we've been talking about Paradigms (models we create to make sense of reality) and so the question was something about what paradigm we've created for ourselves and how it affects our perspective of the world. Well, i put something about being an "extremely shy person". Well when I got it back my professor had commented on it asking me if I minded when he called on me in class. Haha. You would think that its a stupid question, but its quite valid. Raising my hand in class to ask a question or to comment, terrifies me. Like I seriously, 100% literally get sick to my stomach. It's bad. I know. I'm working on it.
Math still sucks. But I actaully did my homework all by myself last night. Be proud. It doesn't happen very often.
English is okay. Thats what I'm putting off right now. I have to write a three to five page essay descibing a landscape. I wrote one in class in 40 minutes, that was a page and a half written, but I just can't seem to get this one started. I know once I get going it will just flow. But until then, it's a pain.
Institute is good. Shaye is the class President. I just sit there and look pretty. There is one guy in the class. His name is Ryan and he looks exactly like Ryan Barrus (Shaye's ex) it was slightly scary when he walked in.
Sign Language is good. I'm working on becoming a finger spelling wiz. He taught us tricks to become good at it faster. So I'm getting there. Its hard not to just use what little sign I already know in the middle of finger spelling.
I haven't got a calling at church yet. LOL Shaye and Maria did. But I haven't. Yet. I'm sure I will eventually.
So yeah. Thats whats happening in my life. Pretty boring. I think we've worked out our roommate problems as much as we're going to. Other than that... I get paid next week... I think. I should. So that's exciting.

Update. A better one.

Ok, so what I wrote on Monday was kinda of lame because I was in a hurry. Today, I'm not. So here comes the update, for all those who care.
I'm back at school. Classes started on Monday and I swear it has been the longest two days of my life! Ugh! Can't it just be Saturday already? I wanna go home. Anyway, I spent last week job hunting, and found one really fast amazingingly. I got a job at Jackson Dry Cleaners here in Cedar. Its great. As any new job is at first, its stressful. But, its good hours, and I can do my homework at work when there's nothing else to do, which is nice, it'll help me keep good grades.
Classes are going good. I just got out of English, in which I wrote an amazing essay about my imaginary future home in Newport Beach. I miss writing. After this break I have math. My teacher is crazy.
Tomorrow I have my Psychology class. Which I'm SOOOOO excited about! Its taught by te whole Psych department which is absolutely amazing! There are so many amazing people in the department! And I get to do RESEARCH! I know, who gets excited about research? But its cool researach. And I get to write this paper that is psychoanalyzing one of my teachers. AND I found out about this class that I can take where you get to preform surgery on a rat and destroy part its brain and let it recover and then see how its behavior is affected! How exciting is that?! I know I thought the same thing when Dr. Barney first told me about it. Gross! And how unethical is that? PETA would be all over us. But then I thought, Wait! That is so cool! Yeah, so I'm quite excited.
Then after that I have institute. I know, crazy! I'm actually taking an institute class. But Shaye is taking it with me. And yesterday, how weird is this, our teacher thought we were sisters and this other girl in our clas thought we were twins. Yeah, since we look nothing alike and she's like 6 inches shorter than me. Totally twins. Lol.
Then after institute I have math again. I have math everyday. Did I mention that my teacher is crazy?

Then of course lovely work. Its really not bad. I really like the owner and the girls I've worked with so far are way cute. So I'm okay with it. And its really laid back and easy since I've already done it.
My apartment is cute. Shaye and I are slowly decorating it. We're doing it in brown and blue. I want to get some drapes for my room, and do some more decorating in there. But I need to find stuff thats blue and green and not like hurt my eyes give me a headache kind of blue and green on a very tight budget.

Yeah, so I miss home already. Actually, it was harder this year when they left then it was last year. I think that growing up and maturing and realizing that it SUCKS makes you like that. I'm more ok with being on my own this year, but I want to go home and be with my family more to. Crazy how that works. I was so excited about moving out last year. And this year, in like July, I was so ready to come back that it hurt. But the closer I got to actually moving back, the more it makes my stomach twist.

I finally wrote my friend Nick who left on his mission this summer. The same day I got a letter from the other Nick that I'm writing. (I was more excited about the latter.) I love getting and writing letters. So, now I can get two at a time instead of just one. And if I end up writing Jordan and Ryan... Ok just Jordan, then I'll have three! I know, I'm totally excited.
Well, there's the update. I'm going home this weekend (YESSS!) So there probably won't be another one for awhile. Unless something crazy amazing happens between now and Friday. Probably won't though, so don't get your hopes up. I don't have time for anything amazing to happen. It would just stress me out more. TA!

Back At School

Well, I've gone to my first class of the new semester. I'm actually kind of excited about it. It was my English 2010: Writing from the Enviornment class. I like writing so, hopefully it'll be cool.
My new apartment is way nice! Its on the third floor, which is just my luck. Its absolute torture climbing those stairs everyday. But, I'll live. Shaye got here on Friday and I practically ran downstairs to meet her. I was so excited to see her again.
I spent Monday-Wednesday job hunting. On Tuesday I went and got an application to the local dry cleaners. And Wednesday, they hired me. YESSSS! I was so happy! I was so stressed out about money. So crazy stressed. And finding a job in Cedar right at the beginning of the school year, especially as fast as I did, is nearly impossible. I hate small towns. Anyway, I got a job. And its gonna be easy cuz I've already worked at a dry cleaners so its nothing really that new. It pays well, good hours, I don't have to work on Sunday.... God was definately looking out for me. I'm so happy. I wish that I didn't have to work and go to school at the same time, but, alas, thats not possible.
But yeah, life is pretty good down here. I haven't gotten too homesick, yet. My ward is good. Shaye's here. Kacie's here. I have a job. I'm actually registered for Institute, I know, WOW! I'm really looking forward to this year. I want it to be good. I want this year to actually be the first year that I'm really truly on my own. I'm just going to have to budget my time and money wisely and have a lot of faith to get through.
I think I can handle that. Wish me luck!

Cows and Fields to Apartment Complexes and Sirens

For the last 9 years, I have lived in an area that was surrounded by fields. Many of my neighbors had horses and rodeo arenas. Alphafa was the main weed growing in my yard. I woke up to roosters and fell asleep to crickets. Not anymore. Now I live in an area surrounded by apartment complexes and gas stations. My neighbors can hear us opening and closing drawers. I don’t have a yard to take care of and I wake up and fall asleep to traffic, sirens and drag racing. It’s slightly depressing.

On a different note. I leave for Cedar City on Saturday. I’m trying to decide how I feel about it. Currently, I’m terrified. I remember last semester and the ordeal that it was, adjusting, money and such, and I really don’t want it to be like that again. Last semester was probably the most fun I’ve ever had, but, it was a lot of stress. A vey lot. Many a sleepless night, panic attacks, and crying. So, I’m really kinda starting to get nervous. I’m really trying not to think about it (this isn’t helping I know) but when you have to pack up your life, that kind of takes some thought, so, it’s kind of the only thing I’ve been thinking about lately. And its getting me all worked up and ornery. I’ve become the cranky monster again, as my brothers so fondly nicknamed me this summer. I’m so stressed out that nothing even tastes good anymore. Not even Dr. Pepper. Its bad. Like I’m drinking my water that I have everyday right now, and it just tastes… Funny.
But hey, I had a pretty good weekend. Jordan was up here with some friends and he stopped by. I packed most everything up, and I might, besides the furniture, be able to fit everything in my car. I went and got facial on Saturday. It was a-mazing! My last day of work is on Wednesday. I’m going to Lagoon on Friday, which I’m not quite excited about yet. I’m going with my sister and her friends for her birthday. So… Not quite excited yet. Yeah… That’s about it.

Well... Its Over...

I read it. Breaking Dawn that is. Wow. Thats all I can really say about it. Wow. I loved it! Absolutely loved it! I finished it on Sunday afternoon and when I finished it, I think I skipped up the stairs. Yes, skipped. It was fantastic. I laughed, I cried (sobbed, actually) and when it was all over, I wanted to read it again. Oh man... It was great. It stressed me out like you would even imagine, but it was fantastic.
After I finished the book, I spent a lot of time thinking about it. Analyzing, duh. Its me. Anyway, I've read and reread a lot of books and series, a lot. And with everyone that I read, I learn new things about myself. Yes, you can do that through reading. So, one of the things that has kind of bothered me as I've been reading Twilight, is why I've become so attached to these books. More then any of the others that I've read. I was so attached to Harry Potter it was sad. I grew up with them. Literally. I started reading them in like 4th grade. So I spent half my life getting to know those characters. I mean, when I saw the fifth movie and Harry started making out with Cho, it was like watching my brother make out with some chick. Yeah, weird.
Anyway, so with Twilight, I haven't been into it that long. I read it for the first time last Christmas. I didn't start in 2006 like everyone else when they came out. I actually wasn't even going to read them. And I love vampire books, so thats a first. But I did, and with the first few chapters of Twilight, I was more hooked then I ever had been with Harry Potter.
So here is the epiphany that I had. Well, not really an epiphany because I've known this, and been told this a hundred times over, I just didn't want to admit it. Stephenie Meyer created characters that were very real. I don't care if they're fictional, just hear me out. She created characters that you could read about and go hey I know someone exactly like that. Or do what I did. I could date him.(Edward duh) She'd be my best friend. (Alice) I hate her and I really just want her to die. And how did she end up with him. (Rosalie) I wish he were my big brother. (Emmett) And I still haven't really categorized Jasper... But I love him so thats all that matters. Then there's Bella. Ugh. I really had a hard time with her. Hated her was more like it. But, she and I. We're exactly alike. Klutziness, selfishness, maturity, self-esteem... all of it. Which sucks. Cuz she really bothers me. But she's me. And, that right there is exactly why I became so attached and dare I say, obsessed with this series.
Books, are amazing. A lot of people see them as just another form of entertainment. Some people see them as a way to learn. And then there are those that hate them. To me, they are an escape. They are a way to forget about my life for a few hundred pages and become engrossed in a life that isn't real. Something that isn't happening. And when it becomes too much, you can close it, walk away, and take a break. Which is probably why I love fantasy so much. Each new book is a journey, just like real life is. You don't know whats going to happen, and sometimes you don't really like how things end up or they end up better, just not how you expected them to.
So there you go. I promise this will be my last post dedicated to Twilight. At least until December 12 :)

Emotional...

The last couple days have been kind of weird for me. Okay, just yesterday and today. Yesterday, my dearest friend Abby got married. She and I have known each other for 2 years now, and she was the first, really close friend I ever had. We met when I started working at Durfey’s the summer of 2006 and we worked together for a year until I quit in the summer of 2007. Abby and I became very close over that year. We went through a lot together. And we continued our friendship. When she text me at 11pm my second night home for spring break, and told me she was engaged, I cried. Like broke down sobbing. She’s my first really close friend that is getting married and it’s a weird feeling. When she text me it was this crazy overwhelming swirl of emotions that you would have never thought would accompany your best friend telling you that she’s engaged. I was so happy for her, SO happy. You have no idea how happy I was for her. But at the same time I was jealous, mad, horribly sad… it was awful. Luckily, my extreme happiness outweighed all those negative emotions. But I still cried. I was still having a hard time with my break up two months before. Which is pathetic. But I was. And I was so lonely. I so bad wanted to be her. I didn’t want to admit it, but I did.
So yesterday night, I went with my sister to her reception. Abby looked amazing. So happy, and she and Tony (her husband) were so cute together. After I said hi and gave her a hug, met Tony and all that jazz, Danny and I went to get food, and the whole time I had to choke back the tears. Growing up really sucks. I’m so happy for all my friends who are getting married or who have, and those boys that are going on missions, I couldn’t be more happy for them. But at the same time, it makes me sad. *sigh* Especially Abby. I don’t know what I’m going to do when it’s Shaye or Kacie or Shupe.
And on top of all that emotional craziness, today was Aaron’s birthday. When I met him last summer, a lot of things reared their ugly heads. A lot of anger, resentment, and confusion. But then he sent me a letter just after my birthday, that just made everything okay. I don’t really understand how, but it did. So today, I typed up his birthday letter, and really had no clue what to say. I think after every sentence I would stare at the screen and just draw a blank. But I wrote a meager, slightly pathetic letter and will send it off later today. Ugh. Too much emotional craziness for two days. I’m tired.

But on a happier note. Tomorrow at midnight, I’m going to be getting my Breaking Dawn book! Yes! Mom and I decided to go to the midnight opening. The kids actually get to see their dad this weekend. I know amazing huh? So since they’re going to gone, we’re going to to pick up our books at midnight. I’m excited! I just want the freaking book! Then I can get all emotional over something that isn’t real. Very therapeutic.

Moved. And Ready For Breaking Dawn.

Well, we’ve moved. You know, moving, like the actual act of moving from one house to another, really isn’t that bad. It’s the packing and unpacking that sucks. Or the pre-unpacking stage. You know boxes piled to the ceiling, covering almost every inch of walking space? Yeah, that’s really the part that sucks. The actual moving really isn’t that horrible. Fill the truck up, unload the truck. Volia! You’re done. Then everyone leaves and you go inside and stare at the tower of boxes that you now get to unpack and somehow find a place for. Though, I can’t really complain. I don’t have to do much. Since I work all day long, my mom really does all the work. I helped as much as I could this weekend. I unpacked most of the kitchen yesterday. (While watching Pride & Prejudice.) Moving did make me realize one thing. I have a lot more stuff to move to Cedar City than I thought I did. In other words: Ugh.
I am moving back to Cedar City on August 16th. And because I can’t check into my apartment on a Saturday or Sunday, I have to stay at my step-great-grandmother’s house for a couple days then move in on Monday. By myself. Up four flights of stairs that have gaping holes in the back of them. Christine may die. Lol. It probably won’t be that bad. Just hot. So, if anyone is going down to Cedar City between the 18th and the 21st of August, let me know. You may become my new best friend. 
Breaking Dawn comes out on Saturday. My mom and I have cleared the whole day. So if you can’t find us, reach us, and we don’t answer our cell phones, we’re reading. And won’t resurface, probably until Sunday at church. And depending on whether or not we’ve finished it, we may disappear again. I know, I know. Its just a book right? Wrong. So very, very, very wrong. In my family, a book is not just a book. You have to understand how my family is with reading. 90% of the time, we’re reading. Or writing, if you’re talking about the boys. See, we lived in an area for a year that doesn’t get TV reception, unless you get dish. Which we didn’t want. So for a year, we didn’t have TV. And I don’t mean we didn’t have cable. We didn’t have TV. Nothing. Nadda. We sometimes got one channel. The inspiration channel. We just don’t watch TV. We watch movies. Lots of movies. More the boys then the girls. But on Friday nights we’ll all watch a movie and then, Saturday, we hit the books again. We had to box all of our books up, you know, because we moved. Guess how many boxes of books there were? 30. And about 6 of those are just mine. We like books. So, yes, you may think we’re weird because we’re going to disappear for a whole Saturday just to read a new book, but you can tell us that on Sunday. After we’ve finished it.

P.S. And it’s not just any book. It’s Twilight. Need I say more?

My Opinion (Unedited) I suggest you read the disclaimer first....

Disclaimer: For any of those whom are reading this that may possibly have strongly differing views about marriage than I, I suggest you stop now and read no further. For I am very blunt and I don’t want to offend anyone. But these things have been simmering for a long while and must now come out. Understand that this is coming from one whom, though may not be married herself, has seen many marriages fall apart around her and has been greatly affected by it. And, that I am strongly LDS so my views are somewhat influenced by said religion. So, read at your own peril.

I have decided that I need to voice my opinions on the sacred bonds of marriage. As I stated in my disclaimer, my views on marriage have been strongly influenced by the religion that I strongly believe in. But they have been even more strongly influenced by the example of marriage that I have seen in my life. Which are two completely different things. So, while I do not even remotely see myself as a marriage expert, I do have a good idea of what marriage is NOT supposed to be. And what being improperly prepared for said commitment can do to you and those around you. I.e. children, friends, family, every person you ever talk after a divorce… Just to name a few.

I came from a large family. My mother was the 3rd of nine children. All of whom have been married now. Not all are anymore. The two who aren’t are engaged. There are many, many cousins, of whom I am the 4th oldest. I think there are about 40 of us now. I don’t have time to count. Anyway, my family, in short, does not have the best track record when it comes to marriage. Of the nine people in my mom family only…. 3 have not been divorced at least once. My parents had a horrible marriage and divorced when I was 13. An experience that is still reaping havoc on the small thread that holds each person in my family together.

As a child I was just like every other little girl who dreams of getting married everyday. You know, playing Barbies and making them get married and live happily ever after? Yes, well, it is now my opinion that “Happily ever after” does not exist. Why you ask? Why does someone who, still to this day, daydreams about fairy tales and magic, no longer believe in “Happily ever after”? How could this happen, you say? Well, I’ll tell you. Because I have removed my blinders and come to see marriage for what it truly is. Hard work.

Now that I’ve gotten the preliminaries out of the way, let me start with the long narration of my feeling about this sacred commitment. And yes, I do believe it is sacred.
So, to start, shall we discuss dating and engagement? I truly hate the game called dating. I hate the guessing game that is involved. I’m going to admit that I have myself played this game. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t hate it. I think it is absolutely ridiculous that people just can’t be honest. Or stop being so idiotically blind that they think “no” means “yes” and “go away” means “stalk me”. And it’s not just the stereotypical guys that do this, oh no, girls do it to. Believe me. I’ve seen it so much more in the early stages from girls than I have from guys. (I have absolutely terrifying stories about what one girl I was once friends with was willing and did do to keep a guy around.)
But once the awkwardness of the first date is out of the way and a good strong relationship picks up and moves steadily onward, dating can truly be a dream. A real life fairy tale. Doesn’t mean it’s not hard at times. But it can be truly wonderful. Then comes the engagement. Now before I talk about this some what touchy subject, I’m going to take a detour and talk about an even touchier subject: Moving in together.
In my personal opinion, moving in together is a big red flag that says “I’M AFRAID OF COMMITMENT!!!!!” I mean think about it. You’re living together, possibly for years. Maybe even in those oh, I don’t know, 2 or 3 or 5 years of living together, you have a kid. Hello!!!!! The only difference between this and marriage is a freaking piece of paper people! And the fact that when you live together you can wake one morning and say “Hm, well that was fun. I’m done now. I’m moving out. Have a nice life.” Where as with marriage there is the obstacle of the dreaded DIVORCE, just screams “I’m not marrying you because I don’t think it will work so let’s just forget the commitment and move in together.” Marriage is a big step. That level of commitment is scary. Waking up to the same person for the rest of your life, sharing money, credit cards, bank accounts, insurance…. It’s a big deal. But guess what? When you live together, you do the exact same thing! If you go into relationship thinking: “this will only end in tears” (name that movie) or even in a marriage thinking “this is just my started marriage” then that’s EXACTLY what’s going to happen. People are not houses or toys, to be painted and remodeled and played with then thrown away or foreclosed on, they have emotions, feelings, hearts, lungs… They deserve to be treated with the utmost respect. More than house or a new iPhone or whatever. You can’t look at something that has as strong of an effect on the human psyche as marriage or even just a platonic relationship as a “starter” whatever. Because guess what? Its not. If you are thinking that your marriage, friendship, relationship, business endeavor, what the hell ever, isn’t going to work, ITS NOT GOING TO!!! So try instead going into a commitment of any kind thinking: “Ok, this is going to be hard, I’m going to have to work at it if I want it work, but I want it to work. So it’s going to.” I think you’ll be surprised at the amazing results that you get.
All right back to engagement. I’ve heard it said, and said it myself, “I can’t believe they are already engaged! They hardly know each other! And they’re so YOUNG!” But guess what? I think the best marriage that I’ve ever seen is my friend Jordan’s parents’ marriage. And guess how long they dated for? Two weeks. Guess how long they were engaged for? Three months. And guess how old he was when they got married? (I don’t know how old she was) Twenty-one. I think she was like 19 or 20, and granted, they wrote while he was on his mission, but they had never really met before. Her friend was his cousin. And they have possibly the best marriage that I’ve ever seen. And their kids, know it. And want it. Believe me, I know they do. I dated Jordan. Not for very long, but he knew what he wanted his future marriage to be like, he knew how he was going to treat his future wife, and he knew how to treat me. Because of the example he and his two younger brothers have from their parents. So, though I’ve said the before mentioned thought when someone my age announced their engagement, it doesn’t apply to everyone. Some people yes, because I know people who are married who are not yet ready for marriage, I know people who are engaged who need a major maturity boost quickly if they want their marriage to last a year. But then, my good friend, who is a year and one month older than me, and is getting married in a week and a half, she’s ready. Last year, I probably wouldn’t have said that. Actually, I know I wouldn’t have. But now she is. And I know some other people that aren’t married, who could be. Who could get married today and be ready for it. And other’s who still need to wait a few years. Age is relative. So is how long you know someone. Don’t judge. Try to just accept it. Because maturity does not come with age; you’re not automatically ready for marriage at 25 or whatever, you could be ready as young as 18, or not be ready until you’re 50, it all depends on the person/people, and the situation. I would love to be able to finish my Bachelor’s degree before I get married; but, it probably won’t work out that way. If I find the right person, I’m not going to delay it just because I haven’t finished school. That’s stupid, because the right person doesn’t come around everyday. And the line about how if they really love you they’ll wait as long as you want them to, it’s a bunch of crap. Now I’m not really going to touch on the length of the engagement, because that is another one of those things that I think is relative only to the couple and the situation. Though if it gets much longer than year, I think there’s a problem.
Marriage is difficult. Its hard, its work. And it’s not going to work unless you’re BOTH working at it. Not just the wife, or the husband. Once you’re married, you’re a team. And you better start playing that way or you’re never going to make it to the finals. And every member of that team is equal. Someone may have a strength that the other doesn’t, but that doesn’t make them better or superior, because the other person may be able to do something that they can’t. A team takes the strengths and weaknesses of each player and works with it. They help the other players in areas that they can. A husband maybe good at fixing things, while his wife is a good gardener, I don’t know, they can use their strength to help one another and make life easier for each other. Equality. And communication. But everyone knows about how important communication is, so I don’t think I need to state the obvious.
Divorce happens to the best of us. To the best marriages. But like I said before, walk into a marriage thinking that its and inevitable ending, and that’s what you’re going to walk away with. End of story.
So obviously, I have strong views on this union. I didn’t just wake up one day and decide this is how I felt about marriage, I’ve been through a lot to form these opinions, I’ve watched others go through even more. I honestly, really don’t care what other people’s opinions are. They got a different view than I did. And if that’s what’s working for them, Great! But this is how I feel. I know, I’m LDS. So you all think that I’ve been brainwashed into thinking the LDS thoughts. But guess what? About a year ago, even less than that, this was not what I thought about marriage. A year ago, living with someone before you marry them, sounded like a really good idea. Never ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER getting married, sounded like an even better one. But, I’ve changed in the last year. I’ve seen new things, had new experiences. And now, I’ve started becoming the person that I want to be. And that’s how formed my opinions that I’ve stated above. Not because I was born and raised LDS. So there you go. No apologies given.

Klutziness is OKAY!!!

My lack of hand eye coordination finally got me in trouble this weekend. I’ve run into walls, fallen up stairs, fallen down stairs, slipped on the ice, tripped over nothing at all… I’ve done it all. But I’ve never really gotten hurt. Well, this Sunday, I picked the wrong set of stairs to fall down. Sunday I went to church like I do every week, wore heels like I do every week and made it through every meeting with out falling once. That’s kind of a big deal for me. Well, we were walking to the car down some concrete steps (this would be a good time to start cringing) and some how, I have no clue how, something got stuck on something else and I fell. Face first. I was maybe on the second step of six, so,I fell a long way. I have no idea how I got to the bottom or how I landed on my hands instead of my face. Or how I didn’t break something. Instead, I just scraped up my shin and my left foot really bad. So I have a huge bandage on my foot. By hey! I’m alive! No broken bones or skulls… Lol. Though I do think that I twisted both my ankles somehow, because today they feel bruised. Well, its more like the muscles in the front of my feet and ankles are really tight, either way, it hurts.
I really thought I was going to die. One minute I was standing there and the next I was at the bottom of the steps on my hands and knees. Maybe I’ve just gotten really good at falling… Who knows? Good thing I was at church though, probably saved me a lot of pain.
You would think that after 19 years, I’d have gotten over the awkwardness. Obviously not. I’m always doing something klutzy. It’s a good thing that I don’t bruise or break easily. Because I would always be bruised or broken if I weren’t. Now though I can just laugh at myself when I walk into a wall or a door, or fall down the stairs, or fall up them… Though I’ve decided that I like my klutziness. It makes me who I am. And hey, I’m always good for a laugh right? Just call me Bella. Haha. 10 points for anyone who knows why!


Ok so this picture has absolutely nothing to do with what i just wrote, but I think its hysterical! So you get it anyways. And boy is it true!

Reading Analysis

I'm very ready to go back to school. I need some new form of the mundane life style. After 2, almost 3 months of the same routine every single day... It gets really old. At least at school I have something new in class everyday. And, of course, I get all the new drama everyday. So, school, is just so... interesting. I miss it. I miss learning something new everyday. Especially in psychology. I miss having people ask me to do stuff, never really did anything anyway, but its still nice to have the opportunity to turn them down. LOL. Anyway, I'm ready to not go through the wake up, get ready, go to work, answer the phone, stare at the computer, answer the phone, go home, read/watch TV, go to bed routine. Cuz I literally do the exact same thing, every single day. I even have a very strict routine in the morning when I get to work. Get here, clock in, turn on my computer, take lunch back to the freezer, go up stairs and get water, come down stairs, turn on the phone, log on to my computer, open the shutters, check the fax, plug in my iPod, open my email. Every singe day. I'm not kidding either. I wish I were.
So, school will be nice. Or I just need a new book to read. Add some spice to very bland my life. I'm reading the Twilight saga (again, this is the 4th time I believe), so that when the new book comes out, I'll be fully ready to get mad because not everything was resolved. Because thats exactly what's going to happen. I did it with Harry Potter, now I'm gonna do with Twilight. I just shouldn't read series. I over analyze them way too much. Actually, I do that with every book i read... Stupid AP Lit... I think the only series I didn't get angry with was the Abhorsen series, and thats just because each book wrapped itself up. Only series I've ever read that's done that.
So I finished Twilight yesterday, today I'm moving on to New Moon. Though I'm only reading the end. Because Edward is way too whiny in the beginning, and I hate Jacob, and he's the whole middle. So the end is what I'm going to stick to. Cuz it all resolves itself and it makes me happy. And I don't think I'm going to read Eclipse. Its pretty predicable... The first time, so imagine what its like the 4th time. I just need access to a library, but Saratoga Springs library sucks, and Lehi is stupid and won't let us Saratoga Springians use it. But it sucks anyway (only because I've read almost everything worth reading that they have).
So, Danielle and I decided the other night that they need to invent a chair that is specifically designed for reading. Something with a slightly slanted back, high arm rests, built in lamp above your head (side lamps don't really work) and it has to be super comfortable. The closest thing there is to that is a LuvSac. But seriously, have you ever tried reading for long periods of time on your bed? If you want to sit up the wall just gets to uncomfortable, if you have a head board, like I do, then it ends right in the middle of your head. But if you try to lounge with pillows, your back starts hurting really quick. The couch or an over-stuffed chair works better, but for those who like to lay down while reading, they really don't work either.
LOl, I haven't gone off on a tangent like that in a long time... So, now that I've sufficiently ranted about nothing... I think I'll get back to my book.

To the Condo We Go

We're moving. My family and I. To the Orem. I'm quite excited about it, because it's a lot closer to work. So I won't have to leave at 7:30 in the morning and still get there late. Anyway, we're moving in to my Grandpa's condo. Its kind of trickled down through the whole family. First it was MaryJane's, then it was Grandpa's, now Chris and Annie have been living it. And now its my family's turn. Mom doesn't want to send the boys to Sharron Elem. (its kind of scary) so she's going to be using MaryJane's address to send the kids to school over there. So, the boys are going to go to Vineyard with Porter and Danny's going to go to Mountain View. She wanted to take the bus and go to Lehi still, but she, luckily, decided not to. The boys are excited because they don't have to wear uniforms anymore. Boys and school uniforms don't really mix anyway.
So we'll be moving the last 2 weeks of July. And then, I get to move, again, 2 weeks later. I hate moving. But I think this is going to be my last big time. At least till I get married. I'm just going to stay in Cedar until I finish school. I hope. I hate moving.
Anyway, that about the most exciting thing thats been going on. All the packing, things slowly disappearing... Yup. Very exciting. Mom and Grandpa took their real estate license out of Mountain Land. I guess their broker was being really dishonest and trying to get Grandpa fired. Or something like that. My dad had his car stolen last week, and they just found it this week. So he can get it back when he can pay $500. Which is a slight problem because, he doesn't have any money. Especially now that he hasn't worked in a week.
My family, as you all know, is whole of crazy readers. We find a book that we all like and it kind of becomes this... I don't really know how to describe it. But we did it with Harry Potter, you know, along with the rest of the world, but now that that's over, we've moved on to Twilight. Yes, schools of witches and wizards fighting evil, to vampires that don't eat humans fighting werewolves and vampires that do eat humans. I know amazing huh?Anyway, so we've all read Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse, way too many times, but the new one comes out on August 2nd! We're excited. I went and pre-ordered it at borders the other day. Yes! (I have another new book coming out soon too. But my family isn't really interested in Dragons. Vampires and werewolves, but not dragons. I know, weird, explain that reasoning to me. So, for anyone who's read Eragon, the 3rd book comes out Sept. 20th)

New Car

Yesterday was my dear friend, Nick's, farewell. He's going to Baton Rouge Louisiana on his mission. It was a sad but happy event. I got to see him before he goes, and I know he's doing the right thing. And a lot my friends from SUU came so I got to see them. It made me miss everyone a lot more though. Nick gave an awesome talk, and an awesome party afterwards.
It weird, he's my first close friends thats leaving. I've watched family member leave, but, its just not the same. I feel old. I know, I know, I'm only 19, but still. All the sudden I'm old enough to get a car loan, send friends off on missions, watch my best friend get married... Things that I always knew would happen, but now that they're happening, I don't really know how I feel about it. Growing up isn't the walk in the park that you think its going to be when you're 15. I remember saying, "I can't wait till I'm 18 so I can do whatever I want." Well, now I'm 19 and I still can't do whatever I want. I still have to do things that I don't want to do so I can live. I mean, who wants to work, and make car payments and go grocery shopping, and all that stuff. I would much rather be hanging out with friends, or traveling, not worrying about money, car payments, cell phone bills, insurance, gas prices, food, clothes, rent, blah blah blah... You actually have to work to get what you want. Imagine that.
Anyway, enough of that tangent. The last little bit has been pretty good. I got my new car. It’s a white 2005 Nissan Sentra SE. I love it. It just needs a little more power and it would be perfect. (Like maybe a V8 engine kind of more power… Yeah, I wish.) Its got all the extras: a spoiler, subwoofer, 7 disc changer, iPod hook-up, all that nifty stuff. And, its 10 years newer than my last car; which, you know, always makes a difference.

This is my new car. Or at least one like it. I'm too lazy to take a really picture of my car and get it on here. So this is as good as it gets.

The Craziness Continues...

Goodness. It seems like nothing can go right lately. Though, if I really look at it, lots of things are going right. Yesterday, my car, that I’ve had for a year, that has been in the shop for the week, was declared a total loss by the insurance company. So, I have to get a new car. Like yesterday. I work in Orem, everyday, at 8am and I live in Saratoga Springs. That’s a 30 minute drive. Every single day, but Saturday and Sunday. And now, I don’t have a car. Because I have to take my rental car (that I love and want) back, today. So, today, I have to get the check from the insurance company, take a loan application in to the bank, take my car back to enterprise, do the deal with the guy who’s buying the Camry back from the insurance, work till 4, look for a car, and eat some where in there.
But, on the brightside: the insurance guy who is dealing with my claim, is bringing me the check on his way home from work, my mom is taking care of getting the deal done with the guy who’s buying the Camry, I work right next to the credit union that I will be, hopefully, getting the loan from, and the kids are going up stay in Midway with our grandparents for the weekend, so Mom and I can go looking for a car after they’re gone. Oh, and, I can qualify for a loan, by myself, and still get a car that only 3 years old, and afford it. And dear, kind, Jaci is working by herself tomorrow morning for 4 hours so i can go look for a car in the morning and come work in the afternoon. See, things are working out. I just have to focus on that. I was a freaking stress case yesterday. But, luckily, I work for family and Jill was very understanding and let me leave two hours early so I could go take care of things with the car. And then, after that, I got to go to Lagoon with my family. Wore me out. But it was fun.

On a lighter note…

There was a mouse in my car last night! A real live moving mouse! IN MY CAR! Ok, well, not inside. But it was like, under the hood. I picked up my car after Lagoon and drove home. Well, when I turned off the car at the house, this mouse came out of no where, and crawled across my windshield! Then went back under the hood, like by where the windshield wipers are. I screamed. Yes, screamed. Then I called my mom. This is about how the conversation went: (Miles answered her phone) “Mom! You’re not mom! I want to talk to mom! Mom! There’s a mouse in my car! (she’s laughing at me) I’m serious! There is a mouse my car! Like under the hood! It crawled across my windshield! (she’s driving up) I’m on the porch, I got away from that car as fast as freaking possible! (more lauging at me)”
Yeah, it was pretty comical. Now. It wasn’t then. I made mom go out and look for the mouse. I went out with her. I just didn’t want to. I was so afraid that it was going to crawl across my feet as I was walking through the grass. Uck. I do not like mice. I text a few of my friends and told them. Jordan laughed, Shaye freaked out with me, and Abby never text me back.
My friend Ryan got his mission call yesterday. He’s going to Mozambique, Africa. Scary. He’s going to be speaking Portuguese and he leaves September 3^rd. Everyone is leaving me. I hate it. Jordan is supposed to be getting his call here soon. And Nick, who’s like my brother, is leaving for Baton Rouge (mission also) on July 2^nd.
My cousin’s wife (Annie) is pregnant. We found out yesterday. They got married in April. Crazy fast. She’s due Feburary 21^st, I think.
I get my stitches out on Monday. Yess! Then I can stop wearing this stupid ace bandage all the time. I hate it with a fiery, burning, eternal passion.
Yeah, so that’s what’s been going on lately. Freaking crazy. I’m ready for school to start going, so things slow down. Ha! I can’t believe I just said that. Oh boy.

Another Doctor Visit

Yesterday morning I went to have a mole removed from my stomach. I'm a total wimp when it comes to that sort of stuff. Uck. But I went and toughed it out. It was probably the weirdest feeling in the entire world. Not really being able to feel what they're doing to you but knowing that they're doing it. Not pleasant. But things seemed to go fine. I left the doctor's office all stitched up and went to work. Well, at about 12:30 it really started hurting, and so, I decided to peek at it, just to see how it was doing. Well, it wasn't doing so well. Actually, it was bleeding like crazy. They put this plastic shield thing over to keep it from getting wet, so the blood wasn't really going anywhere, but it was sure trying to. Now, my family has had plenty of experience with having moles removed. Who hasn't? So I knew that that much blood, was not normal. I called mom and then the doctor's office. And by this time I was in so much pain that it was hurting to move at all. So, I finally got through to the doctor and he wanted me to come in again so they could check it out. So off to the doctor I went. When I got there he took all the dressings off and looked at it and said that he didn't know why it was bleeding. That it shouldn't be because the incision was completely closed. But even as he was looking at it, there was still blood seeping through the incision. And it hurt. Burned actually. So he numbed it again, which hurt like hell, stick a needle into a place that is already on fire and it doesn't feel too great. But he numbed it again, added some more stitched to hold it together better and taped it up, put the plastic shield over it again and then decided that wasn't enough. So he put gauze over the plastic and wrapped me up with an ace bandage, to "hold me together".
So now, I'm still all wrapped up, and dying because it hurts so bad. Having anything done to your stomach isn't fun. You use your stomach for EVERYTHING!!! I can't laugh, cough, slouch, breathe, lift anything... And I'm running on about two hours of sleep. But, I'm up and at work. Aren't you proud of me?

Adjusting

I've been missing my friends from school a lot the last few days. It seems like the longer I'm away from them the harder it gets. After being on my own for 9 months, coming home has been—an adjustment. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being home! I love being able to see my mom and my sister everyday, and being able to stay up till all hours talking to them. And as much as my brothers drive me crazy, I love be able to give them a hug before they go to bed, and before I leave in the mornings. But sometimes, I feel like more of a hindrance then anything else.
I miss my friends a lot. Mostly the girls. Every once in awhile, every once in a great while, I miss the boys. Being home, I’m so far away from everyone. I don’t have friends up north anymore. I mean not really. I have people from high school. But, they either: just graduated, are my age but stuck in the high school mode still, or I just don’t want anything to do with them. Or a combination of all three. Its hard not having ANY friends near by. I love hanging out with my mom and my sister, but right now, I really just need my friends. I need to go do something other than work. My one friend that I have here is getting married in a month and a half so, she’s a little busy. I’m going nuts. All my outside-of-family social interaction consists of: texting, email, and a letter I get once a week.
It’s amazing being home, but it’s hard too. I’m used to doing things my way, I cant do that anymore. I know, I shouldn’t complain, I’m living off my mom. I’m working and saving money for next year. I wouldn’t be able to do that unless I was living at home. And like I said, I love being home. It’s just different.

Anyway, I figured I’d put some pictures of me and my friends. It’s me remincising. Just play along.

This is me and Shupe burning our University 1000 books in Castledale, Ut.

















This is all of us at the Buckhorn Wash in Emery County.
Jordan
Kacie
Brandon
Me
Shupe
Shaye
Alex










Kacie, Shaye, me and Shupe in the back of Brandon's dad's truck.

















All of us, but Shupe cuz she's taking the picture, at our bonfire in Castledale.

















Me and Kacie at the bowling alley in Cedar City.

Dealing With Life

Yesterday in church we were singing the sacrament song, Behold The Great Redeemer Die, and you know, there are the normal hymns that make me cry almost every time I sing them, but this one has never been one of them. We started singing the 4^th verse which goes, “Father, from me remove this cup. Yet, if thou wilt, I’ll drink it up. I’ve done the work thou gavest me, I’ve done the work thou gavest me; Receive my spirit unto thee.” Suddenly, I was crying. I know that I’ve been given the life and trials that I’ve have been for a reason, but that doesn’t make it any easier. There are just so many time that I wonder, “Why me? What purpose does God have to send me through Hell and back?” I’m only human and constantly wish that He would take my trials away. To “Remove this cup from me.” The hardest thing to do is to hand your life over to God. To say, “Ok, Lord, I have no clue what I’m doing, but apparently you do, so here. Here’s absolute control of my life. Do with it as you may. I wont fight it anymore.” We’re all human. We don’t like the thought of not being in control of our lives.

Singing those words yesterday… I cant really explain now what I was feeling, but it was a cross between, helplessness and relief. Then an overwhelming feeling of comfort. I know that no matter what my Heavenly Father will take care of me. And my family. He’s not going to give us a trial that we can’t handle. We may not be able to handle it on our own, but that’s why we have family, and the ability to pray. I, and my family, have been and are still going though a lot. And I bet there’s still more, harder things to come. But God is there with us, just waiting for us to ask Him for the help that he so desperately wants to give us.

I use music a lot to help me get through whatever I’m going through, so I thought I’d make a list of some of the songs that mean a lot to me. Along with an excerpt from each one.

Stand

Rascal Flatts

“When push comes to shove
You tast what you’re made of
You might bend till you break
Cuz its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand.”

Jesus, Take the Wheel
Carrie Underwood
“Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cuz I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
Give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus, take the wheel”

So Small
Carrie Underwood
“Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you’ve been out there
Searching for forever
Is in your hands
When you figure out that love is all that matters
After all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small
Its so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
Its like a river that’s so wide
It swallows you whole
While you’re sitting ‘round thinkin ‘bout
What you can’t change
And worrin ‘bout all the wrong things
Times flying by, movin so fast
You better make it count
Cuz you can’t get it back”

Keep Holding On
Avril Lavigne
“You’re not alone
Together we stand
I’ll be by your side
You know I’ll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There’s no place to go
You know I won’t give in
No, I won’t give in
Keep holding on
Cuz you know we’ll make it through
Just stay strong
Cuz you know I’m here for you
There’s nothing you would say
Nothing you could do
There’s no other way
When it comes to the truth
So keep holding on…
Whatever’s meant to be
Will work out perfectly”

And then of course my favorite:

If You’re Goin Through Hell
Rodney Atkins
“Well, you know those times
When you feel like there’s a sign there on your back
Says: I don’t mind if you kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think they can’t get anyworse than that
And then they do
You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Use the needle of your compass to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions of a genie in a bottle of Jim Bean
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth
If you’re going through hell
Keep on going
Don’t slow down
If you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out ‘fore the devil even knows you’re there
Well, I’ve been down in that darkness
I’ve been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I’d fall right into the traps that they were layin
But the good news is there’s angels
Everywhere out on the streets
Holdin out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The ones that you’ve been dragging for so long you’re on your knees
You might as well be prayin”

Family Matters

Life's moving on. The family is good. Miles spent the whole night last night searching for a paper that he threw somewhere that had a list of things he wanted to learn about. He employed the help of his younger brothers to help him find it. My room was searched three or four times and I was continuously be interrogated. They eventually found the paper, it was in the cupboard in the twins room. Then Miles proceeded to tell the boys all about the things he wanted to learn. From crop circles to the Winchester Mansion. Mom and I over heard him telling the twins about Titchwuba, or however you spell her name. I was never concerned with such things when I was 11. I was more concerned with 4 Square and the boys at school.
Mom and I sat and talked about books last night as usual. She's been trying to get me to read a book called Ventia by Georgette Heyer. And, I'm just not very interested in it. I've read one book by the same author, and it didn't really impress me. I really have started reading Ventia. But then I got The Host and got distracted. Now, I just haven't put it back in my bag yet.
Mom and I are alike in a lot of ways, but I'm starting to find that our taste in books, at least, can be completely opposite. I love reading crazy dramatic romances that I don't really have to think about, or science fiction novels, or fantasy and what not. I'm not really into novels that involve thinking. Ok, that sounds bad, but I read to escape the pressures of life. And I have a very short attention span when it comes to books. I find myself getting bored within less than a chapter. I've read very few book that didn't catch me within the first page. But, I have read a lot of books.

Announcements

Not a lot has happened in the last couple days. I had to take an "emergency" trip to the doctor's on Wednesday night, I started having what felt like a migraine, but without some of my usual migraine symptoms. When I started having problems breathing, we decided it was time to go to the doctor. So, we're hoping that it was just a migraine rather than the alternatives (a stroke or a blockage or infection in the artery in my brain) that the doctor gave us.
Yesterday I spent the day recovering from the shots they gave me at the doctor's office. I knew i had a low tolerance to pain medications, but this recovery felt like a morphine recovery rather than just the anti-inflammatory that it was. I spent the morning trying to work off the fog from the shots and all day hobbling because I was so sore from them.
Last night we had a dinner at Riverside Country Club for Uncle Greg. We had two big announcements to top off the evening. Aunt Jill announced that she was again a finalist for Entrepreneur of the Year and Greg and Kristy announced their...betrothal... Greg doesn't like the word engaged so he opted for "betrothed." We were all very excited! Kristy has felt like just another family member since i met her, last summer. Wow, that seems so long ago.

The Beginning

So I decided that I needed to start a real blog. With me going to school so far away from my friends and family it makes it easier for them to stay updated on my life. And it gives me yet another way to put off homework during the school year. But, seeing as it is summer time, and I am taking a much needed break from the college life, not much exciting will be happening. I think. You never know with Life. It throws you a curve ball at the most inopportune moments. So, we'll see how the summer pans out.